would you consider dating someone with braces an investment?
I can text with my tongue
Guys are so much hotter at OU. Come my mating season, I am flying south like the geese in the wintertime.
someone, somewhere in austin has to have a muppet
he saw my emergency pass-out-in-the-bathroom-after-drunken-puking cot in the bathroom.
He just bought a 100-pack of condoms of Amazon. My vagina is already tired.
I'll go out only because I know the starving children in third-world countries would frown upon us if we let an hour of free sangria go to waste...
I'm guessing "whatever I can get" wasn't the reply the nurse wanted when asking what med I need. Oh, and asked for a cartoon band-aid.
dude uncooked spaghetti noodles dipped in thousand island dressing is better than it sounds
i just remembered that i did the "single ladies" dance ON THE BAR...fuck you slippery nipples i curse the day i discovered you
Don't talk about his dick. That's mine. There's a copyright on it. Use with permission
I'm sorry you couldn't sneak away today. You're the only guy I'm fucking that I can talk with about the other guys I'm fucking, and I need some advice
Momentum is force x velocity. So therefore velocity is 0 - hammered, and force is ur legs locked up and ur face hits the ground.
I felt paralized they just wouldnt move. We need segways when were drunk cuz if we start to fall forward they well take off and save the fall.
I wiped my ass with some girl's sock, I would honestly admit if I hate Caitlin's sandwich.
I just used a gift card from my in-laws to buy their daughter a vibrator. What even are morals?
Randomize
