I never want to see another naked old woman again.
I tried to pay my bar tab with my gym membership card. Twice.
i found out what alaskan girls practice during those six months of darkness
Just got laid for the first time in 3 yrs, 10 mo, 1 wk & 2 days. YESSSS.
15 Ridiculous Ways Broke People Managed to Make a Buck
doctor said mango vodka does not count as my daily servings of fruit. damn.
I'm about to take my first shit since thursday. I'm scared. pray for me. If I don't make it, tell my family I love them.
I don't know how but I have our hotel room door handle in my purse... this can not be good
He was carrying a rolled up carpet saying he was saving it for tomorrow's Walk of Fame.
woke up with the dennys waiters MYSPACE link on the back of my receipt...yep one of those nights
These 27 C*ck Blocks Are Savage AF
i can't believe you just compared my dick to leprosy
I just remembered you had me meet your law professor while I was wasted...how'd that go?
Law school has no idea what kind of prospect they have coming in. I just convinced a cop not to take me to jail by asking him if he really felt like cleaning puke out of his car tonight.
I found all these half eaten mandarin orange on the ground and the bruises on my neck are definetely not hickies
So we came to a decision, you need to fuck your hot roommate and send us pictures. We voted, so don't hate the democracy this great country stands for
When I said to give it to me hard and fast, I didn't mean like 15 seconds fast.