I woke up this morning wearing my tux shirt and jacket, but no pants.
______ was pissed. My breath tastes like tequila and doritos, and I couldn't get it up.
I just ate 10 fun sized 3 musakteers.. I'm pretty sure I'm about to start my period.
Talk to you next week
Should I hook up with a slut its your call
Yes. Wrap it. If you dont have a condom do it anyway. YOU ONLY LIVE ONCE.
Apparently last night I sat at the bar with an upside down sharpie lightning bolt on my forehead, yelling "It's Harry Potter's birthday! Let me be on the qudditch team!" And I kept calling the bartender Dobby. There are videos.
If he eats mayonnaise, he's not getting laid. End of story.
If i'm not hungover, near death, and wondering what i did the night before on Monday, life is not worth living.
Well his aunt was in the next room so we had to be quiet. I felt like i was on an episode of silent library.
She kept biting his ear when he was talking to people, that was only 3 drinks in...
im trying to stop thinking of him and his amazing dick. every time i do i snap myself with a rubber band. classical conditioning at its finest...and you said i wouldnt learn anything from psychology.
It's ok that you're screwing someone else while trying to get back with me, I'm banging three girls while I ignore you.
It feels like one of my ribs evaporated.
OH AND DAN PET MY CAT WHILE I WAS GIVING HIM HEAD
Just got my stitches out.. Now I can give a proper hand job
Of the three people getting wasted at this dance competition, im two of them
He gave me twenty cool ranch tacos and declared, drunk, " Look, I do good"