FB needs to have a relationship status called...screwing my roommates bf..linking their names would be an easier to tell her!
Nothing quite says America like barbecue and beer at 9 in the morning.
The sweet smell of jungle juice and bad decisions is calling our name.
I'm 2 blowjobs away from girlfriend status....don't tell me I don't know how to have an adult relationship
she's throwing things again.. almost stabbed herself in the eye with a fork.
Hypothetically, how much legal trouble do you think i will be in for stealing someone's dog?
A very small part of me wants you to appreciate me for more than just my breasts. But the rest of me is breasts.
THAT DOESN'T MEAN YOU SHOULD LET ME CHUG VODKA.
It was smashing those cupcakes into my face that did it. Junk food and I don't mix.
I've been drinking vodka for the last 12 hours at the beach and can't see straight and have awesome hair.
LIFE IS #1 SOMETIMES
She brought over her portable harddrive and we dueled with porn. This relationship is too beautiful to last.
Cant really say how it happened but i woke up in the middle of the night and somehow pissed all over connors dad
haha it's ok, I asked people. I was like "I'm high and lost" and the dude just said "That's my life. Love it."
My one night stand asked me out to dinner. When he came to pick me up I got in the back seat. I thought he sent an uber. Awkward.
Fuck you, i'm all jacked up on bananas lets go somewhere
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