girl in front of me at starbucks just ordered 7 shots of espresso in her latte. welcome to finals week
I just made easy mac in my blender. Beat that.
It's shedding
I told you penises don't tan
Man, jail baloney is awful.
I just picked up my chili cheese fries off the ground ate them, and then licked up the cheese that was still on the concrete. Thank you Jagerbombs
you pushed her into a kiddie pool and knocked out her front teeth... and you still managed to get laid. what. the. fuck.
Thanksgiving. This year's theme: I am thankful that I still have a liver.
I just used FaceTime as a look out while I got a blowjob in the library
Just did an entire nights worth of bar crawl in an hour. Boom
....I feel like you are deciding whether or not I'm good enough for you based on what I ordered from Chipotle.
Night one million where I have madri gra beads around my neck and no justifiable reason for where they came from
I'm just down here gazing up into your ivory tower of nudes
I need a beard to bite.
I'm not going out, it's sweat pants and gallon vodka night at my place and I'm the only one on the guest list.
This is because you lost at fooseball isn't it?
So nothing to worry about, but i'm probly going to jail soon, just thought i should let you know so you didn't worry. Bye!
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