someone get that fucking seahorse.
I'm so drunk that I ordered a root beer at the bar. Whoops?
We tried to make a sex tape, but we were hammered and she forgot to take the cap off the camera. Somebody starts snoring 10 minutes in.
i had to sit with a fan pointed directly to my vag for a good 10 minutes
She is singing the swedish chef song and throwing utensils. I love this place
I did the walk of shame wearing his scrubs. Fucking med school students is the way to go.
So is there a reason your dad is passed out naked in my shower? P.S. Congrats on the family dong.
I didn't get it..
I'm sorry. But to the original question please.
I'm just that drunk tells people I love them or wants to set them on fire. Accept that.
im not letting a little injury get in the way of my alcoholic/drug problems. we ARE getting turnt tonight.
TYLER OWES ME SO MUCH
I LET A CREEPY MAN I DONT KNOW SUCK ON MY NIPPLES
I WANT TO JUMP IN TO A VOLCANO
Many a woman has been in tears over the passing of my penis' whorish ways.
I associate the Game of Thrones theme song with his dick now.
Dude, some chick came over here earlier and thought my lube was hand sanitizer. She poured it all over her hands.
i’m blowing bubbles in my bloody mary so yeah it’s pretty much time to go
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