i was just at lovers lane looking for gifts for a bachelorette party.....with my mom
ive had 594 apples! thats 99 apples 6 times! math!
would it be inappropriate to describe you with the phrase "bigass titties"?
I'm watching this guy on intervention hospitalized for liver damage. He's drinking the hand sanitizer in the hospital room. Say hello to your future.
Dude, she literally stopped, mid fuck said "I want soup" got off my dick and make top ramen.
Apparently I was so drunk I threw my entire wallet at the stripper on stage. That was the third time I should've gotten kicked out.
And for some reason I just want to have sex with EVERYTHING
Sorry I can't go bowling with you guys. I'm getting daytime dick. That's the best kind.
I am compiling a playlist that reminds me of all my best sexual encounters. It shall be called THE MUSIC OF MY VAGINA'S PEOPLE
WHO THE FUCK TAGS THEMSELVES AT COUNTY JAIL?!?!
WHO JUST REMOVED THAT SAME BOARD IN TWO MINUTES FLAT WITH NO INJURIES, SHOES, SOCKS, OR BRA?! THIS BITCH. CRACKIN A BEER FOR DA SHOWA. BITCHES AIN'T SHIT MOTHAFUCKA
WE'RE MOVING TO IRELAND!!!! DON'T ASK QUESTIONS JUST BOOK THE DAMN FLIGHT!!!!
I'm on my way to bail our sister out of jail with our mother's credit card. How old are we??
You know, I'm starting to enjoy brazilians. One day I'm going to make a therapist very very happy.
Just found a handle of Tito's in my TV stand
Can't recall when I put that there, but let's goooo
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