Dood you jacked it to warcraft. you can't come back from something like that
Dude ur right that IS what a vagina looks like!
Do everybody a favor and GET LAID MORE.
you ate skittles off the table like a hungry hungry hippo. it was awesome.
dude, i think we just came across a situation where tits weren't worth it.
I froze in his sixty one degree room but i came so hard. Like fucking the eskimo god.
Apparently she held up my head the entire 40 minutes, convincing the cab driver that I was okay
I couldnt bring myself to steal alcohol from my dead grandma
The following message is brought to you by IMSOFUCKINGSORRY. Dude I'm really sorry I got you arrested last night. You are allowed to choose a repayment plan from the following options: Money, weed, or a single kick to the balls any time within the next calender months. Repayment outside of the aforementioned options can be negotiated and considered within reason.
You left for an hour, then walked up to us at the bar, pulled 80 dollars out of your bra and yelled " drinks are on him".
I need a burrito and a hug.
Serious question: Should I volunteer to get tazered? My instincts say no but my wild side says yes.
Dude, seriously, fucking stop introducing me as "Thomas, with the dick piercing." you are the worst wingman ever.
Whatever douche. I sucked the dick that made you. I. Win.
Listen, all I’m saying is, if you’re lying naked next to a hot chick, you don’t start discussing dental hygiene.
You got up in the middle of a sentence, puked, came out and poured another glass of wine and continued your story.
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