I skipped work to stalk him.
I can't get away from Pickles they're either stuck in me, in my mouth, or I'm stuck in one. fuck my whole entire life.
Remember that foreign guy who never talked last night? He just came out of my bathroom when I woke up.
I still can't believe you had sex with someone who willingly went by Peaches.
You kept whispering "Party Dave" every time someone would start talking.
Maybe just the first 2 wks of Nov can be dick detox.
Just picked up an ounce of keif and if it goes to waste before the world ends I'm gonna haunt the shit out of somebody when we all die.
Dad was on the deck drinking straight bourbon. He stopped, puked on his feet, and then continued drinking and talking about compound interest.
I never thought people would keep their guns next to their fake plastic penises, but there they were.
You are lucky that I'm drunk. Otherwise I would bone you into another universe
Good, I would never sleep with your boyfriend , or send you an edible arangment
You can't just say "I scored us a potential threesome" and then not text me back.
Random question, what's John-that-we-had-a-threesome-with's phone number? Don't necessarily need the full number, maybe just area code? Think I drunkenly ran into him last night and now I have texts from a John.
There's something empowering about being at dinner and sitting across the table from two men you've blown.
You had a good week dude, you bought a motorcycle and a beer bong with ur parents money, missed 2 classes, and ran from security twice, good first 2 days to college
Randomize
