Well, emily woke up in Hoboken, cati woke up in jersey city, and i woke up in brooklyn....and our hotel room we rented in the city remained empty. Best birthday yet.
I woke up in what appears to be a taco bell graveyard in my bed.
Drunk. Just jacked off for the third time in an hour. I love not being Catholic anymore.
tolerance is too high. going on a liquor strike. ghandi style.
I just had a flashback of me saying "I'm not ready to be a deadbeat mom" lastnight.
The shit I just took was my body's way of telling me bourbon and mixed nuts aren't an appropriate dinner. Well played, colon. WELL. PLAYED.
yeah dropping that class because i really don't want to be known as the girl who fell asleep in class and threw up as she walked out for an entire semester
I'm going as either a recovering alcoholic, or as a guy who came to the party straight from work. Too literal?
I can't believe I left out the part about him peeing on the side of Route 2 at 3 a.m. while wearing a dress.
Just got a message from a drag queen on okcupid. I cant even catfish successfully.
There's no way you didn't at least start out with a dick. I obviously know there isn't one now, but there is no way that you were born a girl
I threw up off of your balcony and it must have been loud because the dog downstairs went insane.
I'm pmsing and only have one functional foot
Well, we 69'd in the Jacuzzi. If that tells you the kind of night I had. Neither of us knew we could hold our breath that long. Deff. Most. Dangerous. Sex. Ever.
So I'm trying to figure out how to talk my boss into allowing pajama day once a week. Any ideas?
Randomize
