it was so cute when you were pretending to have willpower
have you ever been in a public bathroom and someone walked in, and you played "Fat or Crying" based on her breathing?
My life is like a Sweet Valley High book but with lots of alcohol.
You told him how lucky he was to be an elephant and kept trying to grab his "trunk"
I think he liked me better when I only opened my mouth to suck his dick.
the size of his penis is telling me NOOO! but his bank account is telling me YESSS!
I gave ten strangers a full description of his penis and its abilities. I need to stop drinking.
He got arrested in front of the church last night. Looks like we need to find a new location for the wedding.
He told me that if his bed could talk, it'd write a medical journal. Guess it's too late to worry about that now.
Can you explain to me the broken disco ball in my front yard?
I THINK I JUST JOINED A GANG. PLEASE PICK ME UP.
If this party got busted it would be an improvement
Just so you know the unusual amount of skittles on your floor is entirely your own fault. You bought me 20 bags of them while I was high.
Sometimes I really think that if... When your stoned you have a catlike ability to just relax in any position
So, I almost went hone with a French guy and a drag queen. Together. Then I became sober enough to realize, that's not my style.
Randomize
