girl in the front row yawned. double jointed jaw. i know where i'll be sitting next class
I seem to remember you being very disappointed that drinking Michelob Ultra didn't give you magic powers.
when you tell me you got me a birthday present, I have to assume it will show up in a drug test.
He pocket texted me while I was blowing him in the car...What are the odds?
Considering how often you blow him,high.
You are the worst substitute drug dealer ever
At 4 am, making my walk of shame, the hotel security followed me to my car with his flashlight shined directly on me. I felt like either a criminal or like I was about to get raped. Can't a girl sneak out of a hotel room without an actual spotlight on her?!?!?!
High gym went like this: I went to Dairy Queen instead.
I want to pinterest what I want to do with my pubes. Why isn't there a board for that?!
YOU'RE CHANGING THE SUBJECT. I CAN BLOW SOMETHING UP OR I CAN TELL HIM YOU LOVE HIM, BUT ONE OF THE TWO IS BOUND TO HAPPEN
If the ex isent in town and im crying under a table somewhere because of it can we go to a drag show or something
Woke up to the frozen soundtrack blasting in the living room best one night stand ever
You threw a handful of caps into a pitcher of Heineken and asked everyone if they wanted to go "bobbing for molly"
I never thought my selfie stick would come in handy for nudes.
Told him my main goal was to seduce the man and convince him to leave his wife for me. He didn't argue just asked me to let him know if I succeeded so he didn't waste anymore time not sleeping with the secretary at his office. I have an incredible boyfriend.
I said I wanted pizza tattoo on my ass and the tattooist asked me what I wanted on it.
Randomize
