I want to snug with you.
You want my snuggie?
I dont think problem is the right word. Problems arent something you enjoy. Life would be too boring without gambling.
i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
this is never going to happen for me, I think he thinks I'm crazy
well you did scream "PLEASE! I'LL S YOUR D IN FRONT OF EVERYONE"
just took a shot of real whiskey... i forgot what it's like to drink liquor that costs more than twelve dollars.
The stripper on stage Is eating a mozzarella stick while on the pole....that's a new level of I don't give a fuck
Thanks to this cookie, I have now eaten something other than skittles today.
You slammed your face into the toilet and declared you were moving your bed into the bathroom in the morning. Also, you insisted on crawling everywhere because feet are "overrated."
Welcome to drunk texts. Live from Margaritaville, it's Saturday night!!!
omg his dad is hot
... I'm currently away at the moment. Leave a msg since I cannot express how much I can't help you stop ruining peoples lives.
I ate icecream cake off your tits for my birthday, if that's not love I don't know what is.
She's running around the streets punching people and narrating. I don't know whether to laugh or stop her
Nothing makes the walk of shame as great as disapproval from a mom getting ready for work
Alright I'd bang a 4 sober, It's been like 3-4 weeks or how ever long 4th of July was ago. I wanna fuck something.
4th of July was 12 days ago. The date is literally in the text you just sent.
I don't care about the dates I just wanna bone something.
Someone puked in my crockpot. Your friends can’t come over any more.
Randomize
