I just farted in the dogs face to show him who's boss
You would only drink if the space jam soundtrack was playing, you thought it was hilarious that before every shot you said "y'all ready for this".
I don't get why Lindsay Lohan doesn't just blame her bad behavior on her twin sister from the Parent Trap. I mean nobodys seen her since.
The gyno asked how many partners i've had... I said ummmm she goes ok then i'll just put down ten.
it's pretty bad when you go in bed bath and beyond and recognize 6 different bed spreads you've had sex on
I just peed in a flower pot on the veranda while crying and holding a drink
i didnt have any regrets until i found out he was a freshman.... and the only reason he got into yale was because of soccer... and he wasnt premed.
I just remember her dragging me inside in a panic saying we needed mentos and popcorn I have no fucking clue how we ended up asleep in her closet.
I swear she looks like a sloth.... I'll toss a coin...
Happiness is having a 12 hour day thinking that there are only 2 beers in the fridge when you get home, but then finding 8. Fuck you Monday, this week I won.
fries before guys. food before dudes. shakes before dates. chips before dicks. lemon bars before football stars. macaroni before screwin' tony. what i'm saying is please come to ladies' night
Im gonna go for the gay guy. The ginger is freaking me out.
Yes I peed all over myself and lost both my credit cards, who wants to know?
I'm on my way to bail our sister out of jail with our mother's credit card. How old are we??
I just threw up in the bushes and my gardener started clapping...
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