so I woke up and found tortilla in my belly button
The streak lives on, still havent been to Towson without throwing up
And now that i don't feel so bad because you're not pregnant the $15 for the pregnancy test I bought would be appreciated
The voicemail says i shouldn't bother ever showing my face there again, i don't understand
We visited your boss last night. guess you wont be paying the rent this month, eh?
when she said she was from California you started sobbing. You begged her not to melt your popsicle because you paid good money for it and you just wanted to eat it in peace.
Im not gonna remember this tomorrow but the real money is in coke i wanna get a dark wood desk and cell coke then i can own taco bell and the xxl chalupa will be mine
I guess I tried to show you how big my closet was and we ended up eating pickles in my bathroom
Dong worry about me. I just cashed bottle of wine when I found out he was in town, I'm being dramatic. I'll text you tomorrow when I'm sober and my face stops bleeding
The highlight of my night was definitely explaining the bandaid on my nipple.
Things I learned last night: 1. Bacardi 151 is a one-way ticket to the toilet, 2. It is possible for a human being to turn into Mount Vesuvius
We had to go to his parents last night for dinner & ended up having a quickie in the bathroom while everyone else was outside smoking.. This is why we have a successful marriage.
I spent half an hours grinding with a drunk Harry Potter cosplayer at the con rave. Pretty sure I felt his wand.
TOPLESS DRIVE THRU! I have no money and my dignity is at an all time low.
I only get hit on by people going through their midlife crisis. Yes, I did purposely write that gender neutral.
Working nightshift means its never too early to start drinking- and you can quote me on that
Randomize
