The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
i just overheard a girl at the next table saying she gave up sex for lent
don't you ever do that...
I accidentally screamed the wrong name last night. He stopped for a second, said "fuck it, you're too hot to care," and then continued fucking me.
He won't stop licking me..... im choosing your date next time.
Stumbled into class and into a desk. When I fell my bottle broke in my backpack. I had to leave there was vodka everywhere.
Ok not good, my info has definitely been submitted to this sugar daddy website before.
I may wear a condom to jerk-off tomorrow knowing that my hand has touched surfaces in this bar.
A man bought two 40's from me, then asked if I had duct tape. How do people over 50 know about Edward 40hands? It was very weird.
So I saw her today...and it was weird...she is just like not pregnant anymore.
Dude...how high are you? of course she isnt pregnant anymore...thats what happens when you give birth
I found my weird threshold when Truth or Dare became everyone get naked and snort Adderall off the kitchen counter.
Started the 4th with a foursome. I don't know if it gets more festive than that. #MERICA
On the way home she told me she was in kindergarten when 9/11 happened
Two of the boys I banged while living in that house are about to move into it hahhaaha
I cut him off because he was changing my thermostat every time he came over
You made the right decision
Bro i just made a pipe out of a mechanical pencil and the top to an eye drop bottle. Does that make me some kind of pot god?
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