she was so hung over that i had to hold her hair while she puked in a trash can in the middle of the student center as new freshman and their parents walked by.
things that need to be invented #43: vodka that also acts as birth control.
they were just spraying pledge on themselves and calling it lemon cologne.
I just had to take a drug test for my new job. I should have asked them if they could tell me if I were pregnant or not while they were at it and save me the guesswork.
they're mlb prospects.. of course i'm gonna bang one of them.
hell no. last time, i couldn't pee straight for a week.
I took his sheets with my when I left seeing that I underestimated my period. Also grabbed a 6-pack out of the fridge because breakfast is the most important meal of the day & I don't do other peoples laundry for free.
Found your dick twin last night
We just had a 30 min argument on the actual birth date of Jesus, it ended in my brother and ain't cursing each other and an 8 yr old answering it by using Siri.
I just want to pat him on the head, bake him some cookies, and reassure him that, someday, he will get laid.
Piñatas plus fireworks don't mix well
I'm a college student and my dad gets more ass than I do..... do you see a problem here?
I just found your "it's drinking time" note in my chem notes. Why did this never happen??
I was waiting for you to find it...I'll be over in 5
He punched me in the face while giving him road head, because he was driving stick. I shit you not.
gave up morals for lent, so far it's actually been really easy.
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