I printed and framed a picture of a seagull shitting, and hung it in my house. I'm waiting to see how long it takes everyone to notice.
If he can handle my muffin top then I can handle his front teeth.
How can she be afraid to give you a blowjob? It's not like your penis is going to turn on her and eat her.
Did I hear correctly when it sounded like he said "just don't let me throw up into your vaj?"
What color are my eyes?
Ummmm... 34 C?
He's almost as awesome as vicodin.
Can i tell him you said that? Cuz i know that means a lot coming from you
Well see how he likes it when I randomly start crying and saying my dads name during sex I WILL RUIN ALL HIS FUTURE BONERS
my last clear memory of the night was being offered a shot but having so much alcohol in my hands that someone literally had to pour it in my mouth for me. after that it pretty much skips to waking up face down and shirtless on my floor.
How do you leave a condom wrapper under my mom's pillow...
This may not be the best moment to laugh, but I am.
She said if her future children dont have blue eyes she wont love them
Side note, from now on any snap chat I get that isn't interesting enough... Is getting a dick in response. Judge your snaps accordingly
you said you couldn't hang because you had to masturbate and feed your lizard
I got propositioned to get involved with an engaged couple. I told them I didn't think my married couple would like me to see other couples...
He skipped an important family function with his dying father to fuck me. Terrible human, amazing fuck buddy.
Like I could never be a lawyer because I would just look like a porn star impersonation of a lawyer.
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