Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
Just got new surround sound speakers for my computer... I feel like I'm actually IN the porn now.
Cute you're picking friends over dick. I feel like this is the trailer for a lifetime movie.
I'm returning our mountain of beer cans, while wearing a Budweiser sweatshirt. i don't look like an alcoholic.
She got all mad because she said it was "unprofessional" to tell my manager to go fist herself.
look, i dont wanna be "that girl" but if someone offers me coke in exchange for sex, i cant say no.
He's prob getting laid right now and I'm sitting alone in my duct tape shoes.
I found your knife. It was stuck in my bedroom ceiling.
So much rum. So many feels.
How hard do you think it would be to make a drinking game out of a Slip-N-Slide? Asking for a friend.
My girlfriend is talking to my ex-boyfriend at the bar right now. I REPEAT, GIRLFRIEND IS TALKING TO EX BOYFRIEND RIGHT NOW. GET ME THE FUCK OUT OF THIS PLAACE
literally took my pants off in the middle of bourbon last night without taking off my heels im a super human i guess
In Texas. Drank way too much wine. Puked in a gallon zip lock bag. Passed out at 445 with the ENTIRE family here. Got up at 745 in time for dinner. I made you proud!!!
At one point she put on my dads pants and yelled after him EMILIOOOO! Dude, my dads name is Mark.
No instead we fucked in the elevator.. it was wrong on so many levels..
How tall was the building? Maybe it was only wrong on some of them
Randomize
