I hope you never procreate. Philly is already the ugliest city in the country.
Is it illegal to masterbate in an airport?
It's spring break, I'm sure it's ok.
He puts stickers to promote his new shirt company in every sack he sells. He's like the donald trump of weed
You opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a wall last night.
Got a thumbs up from a trucker for doing lines on the interstate. God bless america.
GOOD NIGHT DREAM OF ALCOHOL SNO CONES
You tried to impress her by kicking the 5th floor button in the elevator, but you ended up kicking everything from 3 to 11. Then you said, "pretty accurate, huh ladies?"
Would I chase a raccoon with a flaming stick sober?
How does a law student 15 days away from graduation prepare for a pass fail final? Drinking beer, eating thick cut bacon, and watching game of thrones, that's how
I was looking up travel destinations and somehow I ended up reading Paul's first letter to the Corinthians. I need to start going to church high...
I woke up to my roommate checking my pulse
Seriously bro? Indoor roman candle wars? I guess I'll never see that fucking security deposit again
Got really high to see my fist college experience unfold. Too high to find my classroom but I found the McDonald's down the street
I may or may not have tried to give myself a lobotomy
Everyone has seen your nipples. It's like asking if they ever walked on grass. You need better hangover questions.
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