I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
I will make out with the first guy who tries to pick me up with a lyric from a rap song. I won't even reply, just be on him like whoa.
There was a lot of him and a little penis
This house was built for laser tag.
The only downside so far to having a guy roommate is that when he's doing a walmart run, I just can't bring myself to ask him to pick up a pregnancy test for me. I feel like that's just too much too soon.
New swimming pool is best sex toy ever. We are pioneering the doggie-style paddle.
he calls himself the gay cupid because he matches two guys looking to hookup on craigstlist with each other. get me out of here. please.
When theres a zombie apocalypse, i will be the only fat survivor. I ate chef boyardi ravioli with part of a pen for a fork
Who spent today in nothing but a vajazzle and candy thong? SORRY NOT SORRY
Well it's like a wise man once told me: "If you're going to shave your balls, don't do it hungover."
He's beautiful. His facial hair makes me wanna cum in it
Ew, no. But yeah I feel the same
We need to get fucked up again and play games like "save the tequila but dodge the knife"
In the last 3 weeks my drunken adventures have caused me to lose 2 credit cards, one debit card, a bracelet, two purses, and my $500 phone... Maybe i should quit drinking.
I just remembered that I insisted everyone watch porn together last night.
Here's the "to do" list i just found on my phone: buy stripper pole, make sex playlist, buy febreeze
Randomize
