Come back if u want to. I'll do some dirty shit to u mamacita.
Since you didn't call me back last night, I can only assume that in 9 months you're going to have a child that I'm going to refer to as, "Daddy's little mistake in Miami."
why is pumping your own stomach in your searches on youtube?
I'll be heading downtown with donuts and a lawn chair at 9am to go Halloween Walk o' Shame spotting.
Got so drunk in South Padre some guy put me on a suitcase trolly and pushed me to my room. I flashed my boobs as a tip.
I say we go and bring jello shots with laxatives. 57% sure one of his toilets is broken
You're on Grindr at the STD clinic. I love you.
The less fucks you give, the more fucks you get. Kinda like "a penny saved is a penny earned" but with vagina.
I don't know how we managed to stay up but we actually sat in front of her open refrigerator for god knows how long while she ate salami straight out of the package with her fingers and I laughed. It was a trainwreck.
antibiotics and champagne: breakfast of champions
You kept saying you only wanted to drink until you were sleepy. You succeeded if "sleepy" means you sleepied around with 4/6 of the guys there.
You should make us a hot pocket to split while I go throw up.
Remember that guy that walked around our house naked with a boner wearing nothing but his winter coat? Well, he has a kid now.
The only thing I want for my birthday is a divorce from you.
It's beautiful. It's what jesusxwants. I should send you a pic of my boobs out of friendship
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