i just ate something from under my fingernail. i dont know what it was, but it tasted half decent
walkin home..,.jsut saw the cheshire cat
watch out for the queen of hearts
fuucck i forgot ab her
just threw up into the cup of Gatorade I was hoping would settle my stomach. thanks again, alcohol.
Last night I ate parmesan cheese straight out of the container while watching Chelsea Lately. Look at what happens to me when you leave.
85% positive I just found a hair of a certain variety wayyy in the back of my mouth between two teeth while flossing.
She's walking around topless with a bottle of red wine, crying and singing showtune ballads. This is actually an improvement.
I'm stranded in the Hampton area. Looks like I'm going to have to take one for the team and pass out by this applebees.
my roommate is sobbing and looking at photos of elephants. i'm so confused.
What the fuck is wrong with your family? Why do you have unfrosted pop tarts.
Get your ass over here, we're drinking Patron and watching My Little Pony. Patron and Ponies, do you copy?!
Pants off. Spirits lifted.
Im just using you for your dick and your superb survival skills if needed.
I saw a classic trojan enz laying on his desk. So he's probably not into the kinky shit.
can I cover your dick in cookie butter?
i woke up fully clothed with teenage dream on repeat. something is wrong with me
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