i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
Ok never mind. Thought i pooped my pants for a second. False alarm.
You told him your wedding ring was part of your costume. not okay!!
If you weren't supposed to have sex with your ex then they wouldn't rhyme.
HE COULDN'T FIND IT! WHAT KIND OF QUARTERBACK CAN'T FIND IT?!
Another Sunday, another 100 chicken nuggets
I thought he was walking around the front. I just hit and run my booty call. I'm the worst non girlfriend ever
Every single item that was in my fridge is now in my hot tub. Please help
Just got our of the shower. I'm standing naked in front of my open windows cause fuck my neighbors that's why
by the way whatever wisdom you imparted upon me last night was lost to whatever i smoked out of a beer can.
bringing my vibrator into the shower with me. if I don't text back in 30 minutes I have electrocuted myself and died.
May the force be with you.
Can rosie odonnell just not be a lesbian? Shes stressing me out, knowing we bat for the same team.
for some reason leaving your socks onmakes it less meaningful.
Come over here. Bongs and porn. I found the promised land
Of course his biggest mistake was assuming that I ever gave a fuck to begin with.
Randomize
