I feel like our house is getting pulled over.
I wish life was like the Sims. Right when you're pregnant the music would play and I would just know instead of agonizing for the next two weeks.
how do you say happy birthday to the guy that almost got you pregnant? i cant just write the same thing as last year.
Those foam number one hands, are the BEST socks.
Im down. Even tho your nick name intimidates my vagina.
Currently doing my walk of shame down a floating dock. No more guys who live on a boat EVER AGAIN
Remember those girls from the bar? The tall and short blondes?
Is this a story I am going to hate you for?
I just fully woke up, never smoking that much weed again. I had stress dreams about your house being surrounded by a lake and we kept losing our cars in it.
Would jacking off with Benadryl cream be good or bad for the poison oak on my dick?
It's whatever. I just want to see his dick again
he has a party story that rivals our "PTSD- soldier-with-a-knife" party story. I'm pretty sure this is part of some prophecy.
See, this is why we give you shit. Ashley gets her car cleaned out, I get multiple enchiladas made, and you get cum in your eye.
We were looking everywhere for you and I finally found you in the closet talking to a build a bear.. So I gave you and myself another drink
Worst sex ever! He was a talker for sure! I was on top and out of no where he said "Oh you bad bitch?" I stopped and left.
my penis made a compromise with my morals
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