that's the second time you've been mistaken as a prostitute. maybe life is trying to tell you something
its my fault though, i'm wearing tights
you're hiking in tights? you remind me of dennis quaid's fiance in the parent trap
you won't ask to borrow his earbuds because you think it's gross, but you'll have sex with him?
She stuck a Big Gulp bend-y straw up his ass to see if he could handle anal.
Ew, and?!
Well he couldn't and the deal was he had to drink something using it afterwards.
two more shots til everyone in this club gets to see my cesarean scars.
the pizza man had no reaction when jackie and me opened the door naked, i guess he's used to that shit
Is it bad that my only regret is fucking on the bathroom floor and not the sink?
Should have told me the night we were talking about deal breakers that vomming outside your car was one of them. I would have taken a cab back
Jared is "trying to bite a strangers hat off" drunk. Oh, and that stranger is a girl at a table of 5 guys, one girl.
He gave me my financial savings if I invested with him while I was giving him a bj.
I'm not the type to go to a guys house...in your case his boat...and sleep with them..I mean I have in the past but I'm trying to be more serious and grown up
You'll never fully grasp an awkward walk of shame until you run into his mom while you're trying to sneak out. Then to make matters worse you have to ask her to mover car because it's blocking you in.
and I lost my effing shirt.
Pillow talk?
can't do it. no eye contact either.
Where have you been all my life
Oh and people at work think i got knocked up so my gay roomie is claiming it as his lol
My vagina measures dicks. It's accurate to the half inch.
No reason. My tongue went numb after one shot. I may die tonight
Randomize
