how bad would it be if i made his twitter my home page?
I understand that I gave you a nose bleed with a cheeto last night and for that I apologize
I need $500 dollars more than I need a night of dignity... I gonna do it.
I think my hand is broken. But his nose definitely is
You described pouring milk in your strawberry cereal as a glittering magnificent water fall, skimming over the mountain and little strawberry citizens.
You called me to pick you up from the bar at 9:00. When we drove over the speed bumps you put your hands in the air and pretended you were on a roller coaster.
Im just using you for your dick and your superb survival skills if needed.
I just sneaky put a tampon in on the bus ninja-style.
......how on earth do you do that?
NINJAAAA
its 3am and I'm taking a bubble bath, this is what taking a day off work at 30 looks like
Would it be irresponsible to use my tax refund for a boob job?
Yes. Highly encouraged though.
I'm now consulting a magic eight ball on all major life decisions. On another note I think I have chlamydia.
WHY CANT I FIND JUST A NORMAL DISNEY LOVING MAN TO PAINT WITH ALL THE COLORS OF THE WIND WITH!!
I'm declaring this weekend Captain Morgan weekend
You declare every weekend Captain Morgan weekend...
You just don't understand... :'(
Sadly my Summer of Cocks is coming to an end
i can feel my liver failing just LOOKING at that thing
Randomize
