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ok, stay where you are, be there soon
so i woke up to her 8 year old asking for a bowl of cereal...
I want your puppy
I meant pussy
I would rather you take my puppy
i just defriended some girl because according to her status she "doesn't give a fuck about shark week."
And this is weird.. I feel slightly less depressed after shitting myself.
i just sent him like 8 different sexts and he texted me back about how good the hummus is that i left in his fridge.
You'd think if the campus holds 28,000 undergrad I wouldn't run into three people I've hooked up with in one day
Scratch one off the douchebag bucket list. Just saw a guy in a sesame street tshirt and a tap out hat. Didn't get the memo that big bird's trying to get into mma.
Seriously, I am going to crawl in a hole, sew my vagina shut, and spit acid on any man that comes near me.
Ohmygod. I don't know if I can explain how great it'll be. I hope you don't mind Subaru sex
In other news my cocaine dealer got arrested for heaving some kid out of a fourth story window.
He kept telling me that it stood for Sex Utility Vehicle
Yeah ok. We can maid of honor each other since you don't like my boobs enough to lesbian marry me
So, Kevin dropping me off at urgent care. Seems my tampon slipped out of reach. Even after he tried to get it out with some kitchen tongs.
Went to bed still wearing my bralette. When I was changing this morning, a Tootsie Roll fell out. I'm definitely living my best life.
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