My hand turned me down
I'm gonna get drunk and through up on the first happy couple I see.
well I mean we knew we had more drinkers than runners, so we had a "case race for the cure" for relay for life instead of an actual marathon. day drinking and philanthropy. can't go wrong.
The saltiness of my tears mix perfectly with the tequila.
So befoe we go on this mission how reliable are you for bailing peope out of jail
Her boyfriend was hitting on other girls while drunk. But, she said she was okay with it because she is a feminist and she supports all women's decisions.
We listened to Rod Stewart Pandora and slow danced in the shower.
Your christmas gifts are already wrapped, how on top of my shit am I?
I'm hungover as fuck and had to break into my own house by throwing a cinder block through my back door at 4am. You're more on top of your shit than me.
Christ, I really took the slutcake last night.
Wait. Someome brought slutcake?
Haha, apparently they frown upon male strippers there. Bouncers couldn't catch me tho.
He just asked me if I'd be interested in couples therapy. Fuck my life.
Oh my fucking god you idiot bitch just get here forget about the vodka the fucking cops are looking for you
Shitshow foam night was such a success
The guy who was The Count on Sesame Street died this week too. Therefore, you should take multiple shots, count them, & go "ahh aaahh aaaahhh" after each one. I expect video...
There's a potato with a bite taken out of it in the kitchen
Randomize
