note to self: Never ask your girlfriend to have a 3some with your ex...
I wish i could go to google and type in drug dealers and it would bring up a number, a product and direction
I'm gonna get drunk and through up on the first happy couple I see.
You insisted that you sleep on the bear rug instead of the couch. You said it was lonely and you kept on petting its head.
Im trying to find an appropriate gift to your mom for getting both you and your sister on birth control within a week, any suggestions?
Just found my shirt from Saturday, got an automatic contact buzz.
So apparently the bar gave out free condoms, which I now have a pocket full of. Why is drunk me shoving the fact that I'm single and not getting laid in sober me's face...
spotted: something called the tunnel of opression. i feel like if we patricipated we wouldnt even be phased or we could run it better than them
This summer isn't about fun. We have to train our livers to survive the next four years.
Brian got his first ever blow job last night. We should make him a scrapbook.
Just sent my mother the text "we need to get our vaginas looked at this thursday". Hows your day going?
On a scale from 1-10 how wrong is it to request "I Hit It First" at my ex's wedding reception?
Definite 12.2 but worth it.
The sex was so good I feel like I could run a triathlon, hit big at the casino, and defeat ISIS.
He can't say no, it's my spiritual goddamn quest.
I’m looking forward to our Cougar years. These freshmen know how to fuck
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