If you made a robot out of pillows would he be nice? It's hard to imagine a mean pillow robot. And who came up with the idea of shaving their legs?
Ryan Howard.... the only guy who struck out more than me this weekend
All was going smooth until he pulled a condom out of his collection he kept in a Cheesy Gordita Crunch Box from Taco Bell.
we banged on the home plate. i wasnt even aware of the significance of where we were until afterwards hahaha
I Never golf you the sypdu of andrew. The one o will marry. The one j plwgded my last breath up. The one I pledged everything I live forbworh to. I love him more than life itself
Hey do you want me to wrap up that Jack in the Box you left in my gutter
Everything tastes like hotdogs and shame.
So how many licks to the face does it take to get kicked out of the bar?
On another note, convinced a 9 year old my hickey was actually a zombie bite.
He told me that if I were a guy he'd go gay for me. Honestly don't know how to take that.
Apparently "Welcome to the Sin Cave" is not how I'm supposed to answer the door
Our sex from this weekend should be engraved into a plaque or commemorated somehow. It was fucking amazing.
It's very finicky. Like baking. or BDSM.
It seems that I didn’t convey clearly enough how well and truly fucked we are, Jack. Listen to me very closely: we are DEAD.
What do you think would be the best way to remove a baby carrot from a vagina?
Randomize
