I just saw how many times I called you last night. You're welcome.
I dont have enough money in my bank account to buy a pregnancy test. this wouldnt be the first time ive had to steal one either...
Even when three police cars surrounded us you kept telling us not to worry because 'only good things can happen'.
this is really not the time to pretend we have morals
This guy either needs to stop touching me or buy me another drink.
I don't believe u have enough text space to describe the dimensions of his penis.
I'm drunk at 3:28
I'm jealous as shit at 3:34
Dude. Went to buy some jack and sailor Jerry, when the guy at the counter realized it was my birthday everybody in the store including the stoners and the elderly sang to me. Then they gave me shots of moonshine. 21st bday was a success
He's like... An octopus that touches my vagina in all these diff ways at the right times. It's almost unsettling
I got propositioned to get involved with an engaged couple. I told them I didn't think my married couple would like me to see other couples...
The fact that I bookended my summer with pregnancy scares doesn't upset me. The fact that he's a trombone major does...
STOP IT RIGHT NOW IM BEING A SINLESS CHILD OF GOD IN BED TRYING TO SLEEP AND YOURE SENDING ME MEMES ABOUT DICKS
part of it says your brother mayyyy have put his lips on my vagina
He told me their parents think of me as the "drunk friend"...oddly enough, I'm ok with that
There's something about a foam party that makes freshman want to turn their lives into full blown shit shows. And I'm ok with the fact I am one of those.
Randomize
