my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
this study room smells like vodka
the study room thinks the same about you
Say it nicely.
Fine. I want to lovingly bend you over and lovingly fuck the shit out of you. Happy?
oh and if she happens to say anything about a cantalope and tissues... just go with it
can you look at this picture and tell me if you think this my kid?
He's stoned as shit, eating breakfast cereal and taking a dump. All while listening to dubstep. We may never understand him.
The cop and I then joined forces to get you up off the sidewalk.
Some girl just showed me her stretch marks
You need to get out of tn
Hey, this is Travis. I just so intelligently deduced that I am in a college dorm somewhere in western oregon. Probably WOU, based on the process of elimination.
I wish there was an emoji to express our Eskimo Brothership
Bless her heart. Her stupid, drunk, adderall-ed heart.
She gatecrashed the wedding and managed to get an invite to the open bar reception. Lucky bitch
She just asked to come over. She's either going to bring one of her dads guns and kill me or we're going to end up having insane lesbian sex.
Can I tell you that I just incorporated the spice girls in my sexting and you not judge me
You screamed out "happy birthday Jesus" followed by chugging Bacardi straight out the bottle
Randomize
