Ask me how many people I've slept with. Because its changed since I last saw you.
I saw you 20 MINUTES AGO. You need to stop this.
she was a 2....and a legitimate 2. like, helen keller is a 1, this girl...2.
u know what's depressing? a picture of an owl without a graduation cap
Just made everyone at my party download the vuvuzela app for iPhone, the neighbors absolutely HATE us
I miss the smell of you or some shit.
Why yes actually, getting stoned and reading an AARP magazine IS totally where I wanted my night to end!
I'm hoping that by this time next year we will be smoking some weed at a gay wedding, asking "Mitt who?"
We just saw two bitche in pink capris jazzercising down the road. On Thanksgiving.
When I am this hungover I become increasingly grateful for having my own private office
Yeah but you let me touch your butt. You're clearly the winner.
is buying liquor on my lunch break too aggressive?
I was desperate and wasn't about to let my cereal get soggy so I ate it on the toilet. Don't let me repeat last night.
I think he's like Cher he's going to live forever but not as scary looking
Idk why more people don't drink at work ... i mean, yeah, the cash might be off tonight, but my customer service is fucking phenomenal right now
Oh btw, ur tongue should count as a second cock it's that good
Randomize
