i just realized that we are the poor version of bethenny and jill from real housewives... and I'm jill. this is a 6.5 on the depressing scale
at least we're not in new jersey
I was excited because I thought I didn't have to tell you about the crabs, but surprise! You got em!
when i spit it made a heart shape. i think it's a sign
wanna go with us to feed the ducks bread soaked in vodka?
how could i say no?
It would be like bopping for an apple with my penis but never winning an actual prize. The only thing I would get from it would be the joy from taking part but then regretting it forever more
His bootycalls folder in his contacts are divided into regions, we should have all become airline pilots.
Spending my graduation money on an abortion. Welcome to the real world.
All i hear is "BITCH BETTER HAVE MY HONEY" and i turn around and there is a dude in a bear costume. It was fur real.
So I'm dropping a fat deuce at work, and the lock on the stall door slips and the door slides open, when suddenly someone comes in. Now I have two options, I can either get up quickly and try to shut the door quickly (not easy to do with one hand) or I can just sit there and play it off like it's no big deal and I always dump at work with the door open. I chose option two, and it was as awkward as it sounds.
I just got fingered in the Win-Co parking lot for pills. How's your meltdown going?
I never thought I'd have to apologize for tasting like absinthe and cheetos before tonight
You kept ranting how Captain Planet is getting shortchanged in the superhero department. Other than that you kept it together
It's not a funeral, it's a celebration of life. Going commando AND braless is really just honoring him!
He was cheering for me from the end of the bar as I sloppily ate a Ruben sandwich. It made me feel really special.
You’re not his type
I’ve got blonde hair and great tits. I’m every man’s type
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