lesson #67 learned in college: a three day old margarita, is still a margarita.
She was wearing a shirt that said "Just Do Me", holding a half of a bottle of Vodka, and was screaming at her friends "PUSSY JUST SWALLOW!" before she chugged the rest of the bottle.
Dude, if you don't take her, I will.
It's like split custody, only he's not a kid and they have sex with him.
I just crawled out of bed at 5AM to make her a peanut butter and Nutella sandwich. Somewhere in the distance, I could hear whips cracking.
One guy got his nose broke and was playing with it. Then another guy was playing beer pong off his horse.
That's what tomorrow is for. It's like bloodletting. Except with shame and liquor.
I think I died last night.
Yeah, you got carried home
Last thing I remember is ranting about hating pants. Woke up this morning pants less. Couldn't find them, decided to leave. Driving without pants is surprisingly liberating.
There is no sno cone on earth better than alone naked time. Side note: text when you all are headed home.
Before I go in, is 'I just got a root canal 2 hours ago' a good excuse to show up drunk to yoga class with a 6 pack? Because if not I think I need to go home.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO BE A DRUNK WHEN ALL MY ENABLERS ARE BUSY?!
Is this a Beer, Vodka or Whiskey kind of problem solving night? It's imperative I stock accordingly.
Questions like that are why I love you.
I have in my possession one ukulele shaped package.
Don't read too much into what I just sent. I love you, always have, but I'm drunk and sorry for the confusion.
Which part? The boyfriend or the sex?
Boyfriend. SEX IS ON!!!
I wasn’t trying, but work got a lot easier and more fun once he starred flirting with me and looking at my ass
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