My Higher Power is John Stamos
Why do girls get to wear clothes that say "do me now" but guys don't have that kind of option?
I mean, what would the male equivalent of a slutty dress be?
My goal for the party is to get everyone in a diaper. Reasonable?
I was 10 minutes late leaving for lunch today because I couldn't lose a boner. It is impossible to tuck it when your shirt is tucked in...gotta quit facebook stalking hot chicks at work
got in a fight at the bar because some dude thought i was being sarcastic when i told him "sweet mustache". it really was a sweet mustache
and that's when the elephants and penises started dancing on the ceiling
Just saw a guy wearing pink jeans and i bet he's straight. Fuck 2009.
I just got a drinking merit badge from a slutty girl scout
Can we fast forward to the part where we get gyros
All I need right now is some mouthwash, dignity, and security camera footage...
"what's it like being a dancer turned stoner" well, i can change the netflix using my feet mid bongrip, so there's that.
I'm drunk, laying in bed, eating macaroni salad. I dropped a piece and tried to pick it up with a fork. My cleavage is bleeding and I haven't been laid yet. Heeeyyyy!!!
FYI the blow job was for papa johns pizza
I regret 8000% nothing
I know what I want to do this Friday. However, it might end in me getting kicked out of an arcade and a mini golf course.
The usual, icing my vag with a chimichanga.
Randomize
