why didn't you poke me back
Didn't tell him I was on my period. Then had to surreptitiously remove some uterine lining from his cock.
Ps what kind of horrible ppl are we that we both checked blackberries during sex and neither minded?
She puked in the bank of America parking lot? Awesome.
Yeah, figured I'd deposit my check while we were there.
The last thing I remember is trying to split my bridesmaid dress down the back like the incredible hulk.
and you succeeded.
Heard in class today that they replaced our carpet in last years apartment because they couldn't get the smell out, dude we smoked way to much pot last year.
How external is "for external use only"?
I almost stepped in a homeless mans stream of urine as he was peeing. I love this city.
I opened my eyes this morning, looked at the sunlight and made this hangover my bitch.
I think he's hit rock bottom. You know it's a low point in life when you cry because you weren't invited to sit in a box car and watch porn with two other straight dudes.
It was the easiest thing I've ever done. 3am she walked into my room, saw my Buffalo Bills blanket, said go bills and got naked.
I just fixed my mom's tv over the phone in 2.17 minutes while high. I'm a fucking professional.
I'm more heavily invested in that tequila than you are
I just woke up and there was a condom wrapper stuck in my hair. This is my life.
Didn't you sleepover at your grandparents?
New goal find someone I love enough to use these Japanese pancake flavored condoms on
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