I'm half single.
Please tell me it's the bottom half.
Fantastic night. drank beer from a wine bottle, danced on a van, chased a llama, and fell from a fence
you better believe me or I'll punch you in the face
Of course he got arrested. He was wearing a toga. Even Tom Hanks couldn't act sober in a toga.
Do you think it would be a good idea to mention in my admissions essay that I was the guy that streaked across the soccer field last year?
Your dad needs a mid life crisis affair thing, I could totally be that girl.
It feels like one of my ribs evaporated.
Apparently when it was last call I jumped up on the bar and told everyone to get the fuck out, which was immediately followed by a round of applause from the bouncers/bartenders and my tab getting paid as well.
Whore are you.
Is that a Yoda insult or are you asking me where I am?
Yes.
I think once you know a guy's chest measurements the stalking has gone too far..
Omg have I shown you my skeezy ex fiancée?
The other one.
I did however clean up the cupcakes and vomit so I'm not that bad of a roommate
I was stuffing my vagina with gummy bears last night having him eat them out of me. Team Haribo for the win!
and yet oddly the jello shots tasted better coming up than going down
You know the rule about how you feel bad for getting food and not offering other people you're around, does that apply when you eat burger king at a strip club?
Randomize
