im at a bar with my dad last night and he got hit on more that I did
Thanks for holding onto me so I didn't fall in my pee in that parking lot. You're the best boyfriend ever.
You kept screaming how great you were at drawing poptarts and you insisted on drawing them all over my forearm
I'm sitting here in nothing but my panties, eating beef jerky and reese's for breakfast.Today is not the day to expect me to make sound life decisions.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My goal for break? Fuck all my exes in reverse order.
I've been drunk in my life. But I've never been "crying in 5 Guys at 1 in the afternoon" drunk
There are a bunch of highly educated, advanced in their field, PUSSY ASS BITCHES in this bar
The neighbors outside are screaming at one another about God knows what and everyone is too scared to go outside and we NEEd more beer
I vote we get high and sneak off to McDonald's to get mcflurries.
YES. ALL MY YES.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Bobbing for jello shots in a bucket of long island. Fast track to alcohol poisoning.
He got in a shopping cart outside of home depot and insisted we push him down a flight of stairs. For science.
I puked into my skirt and then had to carry it to the bathroom and dump it out, Lmfao and it was like 2pm
I thought if I bought the most expensive pregnancy test I would look like I had my life together
I think I was judged by a squirrel this morning during the walk...
We were having sex and he started doing some weird swivel move. I was like wtf and he said sorry just trying to pop my knee.
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