My mom says you aren't allowed to eat doritos at my house
Left my ID again and at a Giant's game. This is the second time they accepted my handgun safety certificate as proof of ID to buy beer.
friends with benefits? more like friends with awkward sexual tension
I am a mess. Weirdest thing: I woke up with a hammer under my pillow. No idea why.
both the worst and best vomit ever... it was extra chunky and thick cause of the sausage... but it also tasted like delicious sausage... also cause of the sausage
christmas break will be like the 25 days of orgasms
He took me by the hand and ordered me to make him vodka soup.. I think I like him?
You've had your dick in my mouth. I don't think there are all that many barriers in our friendship at this point.
Please just tell me how ugly she was so I can bask in the diminishingly small reassurance that might give me
I think he pocket dials me so much because I'm in his phone as 'Air Mattress'
according to last night, I underestimated the size of my mouth and the possibilities of what can fit into it.
We're shaving superhero symbols into our pubes. I call dibs on Batman.
Is he the circus guy or the bi-curious street preacher?
Take off your clothes and see if he wants to have sex, that's a good way to find out
In what world does 'I'm awake' at 2:30 in the morning on a wednesday translate to 'let's fuck' in the span of one text? Where has the romance gone?
Randomize
