My mom is making me buy a single zucchini, I look like someone who can't afford a dildo
I just opened a gallon of milk that is good through the 10th of January- I hope I can say the same for myself.
she said, and i quote, "i want to black out with my rack out"
Can we dedicate this weekends marathon sexcapades to all the haters?
She straight up told me, "I don't care if he films as long as he's quiet." You sure you can't find the camera?
I'm doing blow on my fuzzy rug
Come join me
Fun Fact: I do not remember what its like to be sober between drinking off and on for two weeks at my "vacation" and being on painkillers for my mouth now
You think I'll get the "I used to stick it to your daughter" discount?
I just want the relationship Bob and Linda Belcher have- is that too much to ask?!
I was alternating between saying "yall need Jesus" and "God bless" the entire night
if it wasn’t 100% before, it is now that i will most definitely die a quesadilla related death
STOP SENDING ME NAKED PICTURES WHEN I'M TRYING TO TEACH. MONDAY TUESDAY 1-3 IS A DICK AND ARSE FREE ZONE
Hey every now and then can you tell me you want to fuck me to boost my confidence? Thanks.
Most people would agree that it IS in fact slutty to give someone head for free ice cream.
What part of “the stripper has a gun, we need to leave” is confusing you? She’s drunk, she’s fucking crazy and NOW SHE’S PACKING HEAT!
Randomize
