remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
New requirements. My future husband must have a nose ring and wear headbands.
We are no longer friends.
i am fully taking advantage of taking advantage of him
My dog fell asleep in his puke last night. He's only 5 weeks old and has more in common with my friends than I do.
please take me off your list of people to text when you don't want to drink by yourself.
Too late, the blunt's already in my cleavage
I have no idea what to do about this. He has a power over me and I think its called his tongue.
I cannot take someone's straight and gay virginity in one threesome. It's just too much responsibility.
This just spotted: a bagpiping Elmo on the street.
I wanna get freshman fucked up and do shady things on the last Friday of my youth.
Woke up to my asscrack filled with melted Reese's Pieces. Halloween parties are so weird here man
This hurricane was the perfect excuse to buy 2 pounds of animal crackers and a case of beer. It's on Sandy.
Apparently fireball doesn't mix well with my no carb diet
Annoying and petty is the name of the game and I'm the MVP.
He’s tiny, hairless and humps my leg when he wants sex. He’s basically a chihuahua
Randomize
