he called me a worthless slut and then went 2 the bathroom 2 pee on the floor before leavin. but he was really hot and he left his jacket, should i call him?
I think I know how big ted kennedy's penis is.
this morning he rolled over looked at me and said "oooo, you look like i need a drink" and then put on his clothes and left without another word
he came and i only had my diet coke to rinse.. can you say coke float?
So I just used shazaam to figure out a pairs figure skating song. I don't think I could get any gayer.
THERE IS PRACTICALLY A BEER FUCKING WATERFALL
get over here now. the boys are doing shots of everclear, chasing with monster, and some dude jsut walked in with a backpack full of tattoo gear.
quick, send me a pic of a fat chick eating ice cream in a bikini. no joke, no questions, just do it.
I invented the best game. It's called "what touched my exposed nutsack?" It can range from pillows to toothbrushes
I will have you again some day my love. And our divorce will be magnificent
YOUR TITS WERE ON THE TABLE.
Please don't fuck the professor. We both know that won't end well.
What's the world record for number of orgasms reached on ones birthday? Asking for a friend.
When I woke up I was spooning with a block of cheese. Like, cuddling. Me and the cheese we nestling...
Apparently I told the mayor I want to be a trophy wife
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