He must hate going to the bathroom. Every time he does he is reminded how small his dick is.
So as I left the Australian's hotel room, I said "Welcome to America. You're going to do just fine here."
Had the longest conversation today with a potentially homeless cuban woman about mind control.
you're good to come back. The bouncer pulled me aside and told me. He also said you have nothing to worry about and that you have an awesome "upper punch" or some shit
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We found him. He was passed out in a McDonalds booth with at least 6 big Mac wrappers. The employee said he kept yelling that he was in America and had the freedom to have big macs. Fucking Italians...
I love getting kicked out of places. Its like winning a little league game
I just imagined myself as R2-D2 and you as C3P0 walking around the Vegas desert looking for alcohol
Maybe why that's why I'm perpetually single... I can't find a guy with bigger balls than mine.
I had a dream last night that Sam and Dean had to get rid of a murderous ghost haunting an elf on the shelf. I think I'm ready for Christmas to be over.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We walking to the game and some random guy came up to to me and yelled "hey you're the whiskey guy!" And then high fived me then walked away
He licked the buffalo sauce off my fingers and then we had the best sex of my life.
I have tasted many bathrooms
I'm dying of laughter, but I'm also just dying
Send help
I think that living in the "now" is the worst fucking ghandi buddha whatever advice bc that means I'm just gonna get drunk in the now.
you tried to strip tease your way into canada but got arrested instead. don't worry, your mom doesn't know.
Randomize