Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
I love how its suddenly "not all about sex" now that he can't get it up
remember when jerking off was fun and not a neccesity
Being a girl sucks.
Being a boyfriend sucks for about a week, too
it took me about 5 minutes before I knew it was in her ass. i thought the first time would be a bit more special
I started the year with 2,800 dollars and am now down to 83 dollars-one of which i use to snort my focalin. I have given up on food and am perplexed as to how I can make 82 dollars last more than two weekends for booze
I wouldn't really call it 'getting lucky' considering I paid her to do it.
I took us ten minutes to realize the shower sex going upstairs was the reason the kitchen ceiling was flooding.
As a jewish boy dating her she thinks everypart of christmas is my first time. Helllllo bj under mistletoe!!
Weirdest sensation ever: having your penis fall asleep. It was like tiny hulk hogan was choking it out
The guy I hooked up with last night left me alone with his dog AND IT JUST SHIT ON THE FLOOR. WHAT DO I DO
Your vagina is not a steamboat from the 1800's
The taste of regret at 8am, yup that taste is Jack Daniel's
Want ramen today?
I need a salad
SALAD DOESNT WARM YOUR HEART AND BELLY
You're moving up the public shitting ladder
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