Almost ran you over in the parking lot. You look good
he just tried to lick my eyebrow. thats the deal breaker.
I'm always impressed by your drunken ability to quickly gauge how long it's been since you've shaved and whether or not your prospective hook up will care.
Joey just asked me if I ever got anything stuck in my vag.
was it embarrassing when you had to say yes?
apparently he was unaware pussies come in unshaved form. curse you redtube and your unholy lies
Whiskey shot with bacon bits, our version of Goldschlager WE ARE TRYIN IT.
I think I just wrote a poem about your penis but it was totally unintentional.
Yes... I'll kill two birds with one crazy ecstacy filled night.
So I'm sitting here baked on a bridge thinking about how plants think, I miss you so much
This is possibly the most humiliating moment of my life. I have diarrhea, in a port-a-potty, at the Renaissance Festival.
I don't think I'm gonna survive today. I don't remember how to walk. I must crawl 6 blocks to my bed.
My goal is to have my roommate find me sprawled out in the middle of my floor naked and passed out. Maybe with some Alfredo chicken hanging out of my mouth. I don't know, we'll see where this goes.
I'm constantly crying, and now I start crying every time I masturbate which is a fun development.
Amazon is not showing any promising results for penis tree toppers and I am genuinely surprised. Clearly this is a market that needs to be addressed.
Ethically, this is the worst thing I've ever done. Financially, however...
Randomize
