Do you think you have hit the lowest point in your life when you find yourself actually condisering watching the movie "Gigli"?
I am puke
And he just showed me his vera bradley wallet...
eating mexican with the mother in law. this meal made her decide to tell us about her colon cleansing diet
In hindsight maybe we should have moved his homework instead of playing quarters on top of it.
Is it bad that when I see babies I feel bad for them because its going to be forever until they are 21?
No dude, you can't hot box a bus shelter.
He told me his mother taught him that move. What the hell do I say to that?
Writing a love song to planned parenthood. what rhymes with "don't have AIDS"
Drunk walkin through police station. America
After the baby comes, I'll make us White Russians with my breast milk. That will teach her about sharing.
You drink it until you puke in a vent one time and it's ruined forever.
My dating life has become some fucked up hydra of dicks; you cut one off and two pop up in its place.
Oh I was gonna ask you the same thing...? It's official ask anyone to see your husbands dick day.
jusy threw up in the airport bathroom. I am no longer thankful for fireball.
Randomize
