no... you woke up naked next to the toilet because you said your outfit was too cute to throw up in
just to let ya know we might have to take a stripper snowboardin sometime
some fat dude with wolverine facial hair just walked out of your room with a snuggie. explanation needed.
Worrying about "What smells like cat pee?" is so much easier than worrying about "What am I doing with my life?"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
On the way out the door to work grabbed the wine glass on the floor left for the ghost of Elijah and chugged it. PASSOVER.
Was so drunk I had to masturbate face up cuz I thought I was gonna be suffocated by the pillows.
I have a sixth sense for dads free balling in gym shorts
I just passed a kid trying to leave on a lawn mower
He was "hot guy in the dark". One of us had to sleep with him. I took the bullet you're welcome.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm so baked, I spent the last hour trying to screencapture the cracks on my phone.
Pro tip: if you can avoid puking on your carpet, do so. Cleaning it up is absolutely no fun at all.
I just saw a kid on iowa campus story that looked like the guy i made out with on spring break.
Kinda thinking about going to my moms wedding high
Ever try to swallow something and have it go up into your nose instead? Yeah, I just sneezed bacon.
Is there a number of dicks a girl can have in a weekend before it becomes unacceptable? Asking for a friend
Remember! It’sa long weekend and a holiday weekend and it’s America’s birthday! So don’t short change me!
I thought you were asking for a friend
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