you wouldn't even come home last night... Dead to me
dude relax anyone of us could have gotten that girl pregnant
and his room smelled like strippers, childrens tears, and fear
Good news: he out-ran the campus police. Bad news: they were chasing him toward the REAL police.
This was baby jesus's way of getting you to wait until the next bikini wax
what do i owe you?
$237.46 to be exact.
if im having that much fun on the weekend i better start remembering it.
we're driving around with this really dirty (unclean and inappropriate) 60 year old ex-san quintin con named old skool d that my brother knows and hes bringing us to get weed. what is montana?
Nothing bonds a father and daughter like washing her puke off the front steps
which one of you assholes put my new jeans down the garbage disposal?!
That's what every 12 year old basketball team needs; a drunk and hungover lady eating KD whilst cheering them on. Highlight of their lives.
Why yes. I did get laid looking like that. My sheets look like there was a clown orgy
No I have an idea, I saw you running through the neighborhood at 3am while I searched for my flip flops in a ditch
you know, i'm always afraid you're going to think i only want you for sex because i only text you when i'm horny
speaking of, guess what i'm thinking about
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
Based on the conversation I'm going to assume you didn't close the deal.
It started going awry when I fell through a roof.
Randomize
