yeah for some reason your penis didn't fit in my mouth the other day
She threw up all over when she was giving me dome. Not even gonna lie, it felt really good.
Just took a closer look at the paper that kid wrote me his number on. It was an ATM receipt. His balance is $17.89. i made the right choice.
only 75% of american men are circumcised...i guess this was bound to happen to me someday.
the weed was in a baggy that had little penguins on it. i am so excited you have no idea
she left out the fact that she had a kid until she told me not to suck on her tits too hard or milk would come out.
Just saw your girl from last night... Be embarrassed
his face was nice enough, but his choice of footwear screamed columbian drug lord
Don't forget ur talking to the master juggler. Remember that time I slept with 3 guys and made them all pay for plan b? Paid the rent didn't I?
He brought me four big burritos and two joints! He can sleep with his bank teller any time he wants!
I know now that the cab driver can get me a 10 dollar blow job. I'm practically a local.
Drinking a grey goose and water in a random chair that I found by the road by myself
So there's that.
Someone just asked me why I drink so much. Im gonna slap a bitch
You're talking to someone who was 80% serious about breaking into someone's house and leaving a cat there with our names in a heart tag on its collar
You showed up at my house at 4am with a bloody nose, one shoe and a bucket of chicken... I live no where near a place that sells chicken in a bucket..
Well that would explain the bones in my purse.
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