What can I expect? While all of my friends are getting married, all of his friends are tripping on robitussin
As I was buying milk at the market, the lady at the checkstand said, "what? No alcohol today?" have I really earned THAT reputation?
I'm like cupid
You're a whore with a bow and arrow
You remember those guys we called the police on after they stole our keg? Turns out one of them is a student instructor in one of my classes. Figuring out how best to use this information.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I knew it was going to be a good night when i heard another girl call his dick "Thor's Hammer"
it was like lady and the tramp only with a jello shot on the pool table
Lesson of the night: never take shots out of a bottle you found under a couch in a frat house. I have no idea where I am
IT'S A HOLY FESTIVAL. A BUDDHIST CELEBRATION OF PENIS.
My chin is breaking out a bit and feels all itchy and burny like I'm allergic to something. Are you using a new lotion on your balls?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm just saying, I walked in on you blowing a burrito. I now understand how obsessed you are with Taco Bell. And how long it's been since you've got some.
He understood my need for pizza was more important than my need for sex. He's the one.
I don't know what's worse. The fact that my biological mother is an unwitting bigamist, or the fact that my half sister is trying to seduce my girlfriend.
I finished OITNB and broke it off with my fuck buddy in the same day. It's going to be a rough week
He plays guitar, sings like an angel, and acts like a gentleman. If I don't fuck him by the end of first semester, I'm dropping out
I think the night went to shit after he started sweating and crying about a taco he dropped on the ground 3 years ago. No more blind dates
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