I don't make mistakes...just understandable bad choices.
last night i got mauled by 2 gay men who were trying to make each other jealous by making the other think they could swing back- you're going to love atl
A hard boiled egg and a shot of tequila is not brunch.
True story: Just left my solo cup on a cop car. Yesss
And whoever invented the condom should be put to death.
I know eh? If a man wants to pay 7 bucks to see some boobies he should be allowed to do so in peace.
He would only do it doggy style. The "he's probably gay" debate rages on...
I would not wish his dick upon my worst enemy
Eating pizza and drinking wine while I watch the Victoria's Secret Fashion Show. The wine is for reducing the pain of falling asleep with more insecurities than what I woke up with.
I cancelled the entertainment for your b-day party.... Keep the bouncy castle just in case.
Sunday mornings are confusing. Like. I can't decide if I want to go for a run or start drinking
Remember when I made fun of you when you ran out of toilet paper on your brother's birthday and had to use coffee filters? Guess what happened today
Which sister was it? The one I accidentally hit when my shoe flew off or the one I ate candy off of when we were high?
I threw my shoes out of frustration and walked home barefoot... can you help me find my shoes in the morning
Last night I realized I made a dick appt 2 MONTHS IN ADVANCE!!!!....... WHO THE HELL DOES THAT!?!? LMAO!
Randomize
