Also, i'm pretty sure i've had my birth control pill stuck in my throat since like...two pm. So i'll be practicing safe oral sex tonight.
i just got a fart via voicenote. blackberry has officially changed history.
wanna get hammered and throw tomatoes at the people standing in line for the midnight showing of harry potter and yell whichcraft is evil
scarred for life. way too high and witnessed some chick give a dude head on the dance floor
Its so fun. We're having a music war with the boat next to us. They have strippers.
There's just something about a dollar tree pregnancy test that screams THIS WASNT PLANNED!
Anne I just took two ambiens. I think my body is melting into my blow up bed. Like a stick of butter just slowly melting. And I'm alright. Don't be afraid. I'll be alright.
New wedding record, my shirt was off by 8pm!!!
The other night I NICELY told her she looked like Jack Sparrow
I'm training him to sit when I whistle the tune from the hunger games. I'm going to be the coolest parent ever.
You chugged 6 beers in a row and then outed your boss at a party last night.
You did a cartwheel, it was terrible.
I remember that cartwheel, it was okay.
Mom just walked in on a bj. IT'S WHATEVER.
I just thought I should tell you that I always know what you are doing. Everywhere. Every time. -Your loving Mother
He’s perfect! He listens to Genesis during sex and has a VW bus!
You really are from the panhandle, aren’t you?
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