was stoked on phone sex until he started reciting lines from star wars
We'll probably be arrested for having a cheetah in our apartment anyway, so I say go for it.
tonight i'm going for the "i fuck with the lights on" look
I'm sober in pajamas at a bar. Nothing is ok about that statement.
She just kept introducing me to people by telling them which of their friends I've fucked
After we drank 3, we built a raft out of the empties and installed the fourth submerged In the water to keep it cool. Keg boats are now a thing
My roommate walked in naked grabbed my hand and pulled me into her room to see her randoms dick.
That happens a lot to the people around me. It's like I'm radioactive but instead of cancer, you get desensitized to the word cunt
Yeah I was just reminiscing about that time a seagull shit on your head at the beach
you flipped over the sheets and there was my bed. filled with ding dongs.
You know it's time to call it a night when every guy in the bar (all 3 of them) have seen you naked at one time or another.
Valentine's Day is now to be known as Tacos and Orgasms Day.
Where is the baby squirrel I found last night?! I've looked all morning I can't find Morris anywhere did someone take him?? ðŸ˜ðŸ˜
Honey, I kept trying to tell you it was just a pine cone.
She said to call her, so I called her. Her boyfriend answered and traced the fucking call. I could litterally hear him yell because it turns out he lives in 4d
Don't you live in 4c?
hypothetically, what's the best method to remove an stray semen gob from a roommate's important school document?
Randomize
