OMg patrick swayze is the sexuest man he is killing me I'm gonna get dehydrated if I don't stop looking at him
this party is like a fast-foward into the future when im 40 and married with children
She's like a coupon for free blow jobs. No purchase necessary.
she found me naked passed out on the toilet and i just kept repeating "i'm like elvis, but not dead."
i licked the inside of a toilet bowl for $14. i really can't talk about my night.
get back quick. that 17 year old who peed on your car wants to do shots.
They fucked on my pong table last St. Patty's and broke it. I feel like I should be hiding my new one. Would hate for a tradition to form.
Who takes their shirt off at the bar?! Classy broad
I do. In all fairness there was someone else's blood on it.
so you know how I brush my teeth after I give you a bj? according to my dentist my teeth have never been cleaner. looks like this will be a recurring thing
You poured your drink on him and called him a "useless cocksucker" because he wouldn't give you a ride home... on his skateboard
HELP! How do I get paint off the dog?
You called me your momma bear, and then demanded more vodka
She said "I feel like I haven't reached my full potential" and I couldn't figure if she meant in life or with the weed..
Hey buddy, turns out those were the PB&shroomwiches, soooo you may want to reconsider dinner with your girlfriends family tonight...
Sooo...you're driving 6 hours for free booze?
Don't judge me.
Randomize
