wtf someone played my fucking brickbreaker games and lost i had ten fucking lives. ughhh
maybe you did when you were drunk
no way, i wasn't THAT drunk.
I thought all girls wanted is to get a boner
you want to re-phrase that?
Dude I just masturbated laying underneath my Christmas tree. Apparently all I want for Christmas is to get laid.
i wish i could tell you the night didnt begin with me drinking alone
Gentleman, we have a new medal category - number of women per day in apartment WITHOUT FURNITURE
I do not want to do anything. The words more tequila need to be erased from my vocabulary
Alright, who started the "how long till dereck gets deported from Australia" pool? I want in on that.
You were sending me snapchats from a bathtub with your beer helmet on and your boobs out.
He is like the "hometown sweetheart", but a huge freak. Like "I'll come change your flat tire"....but then fuck you like an animal in the back seat.
My house smells like bleach. Also, I do not feel bad about all the stuff I stole from the hospital while I was there.
We hooked up for a while and on his way out he high fived me and said "stay weird"
drunk brunch me or lose me forever
Don't be offended, the only thing I'm attracted to right now is snack cakes and chicken wings.
I put on a tiger onsie to initiate sex... It worked
definitely good. no good can come from sex in a very full public venue.
Randomize
