He has such a weird drunk-voice.
dude, he's deaf.
Someone took a freaking dump on a roll of toilet paper. Next to the toilet. No shit in the toilet. Just on the roll of toilet paper.
Why does everyone think all I do is drink? I go to class on wednesdays
I left when they started reinacting what appeared to be a jerry springer episode
Well on a lighter note, guess who just threw up in the elevator
what part of 'taking a night off' includes MDMA in your world?
Odd question. Did you find a 20 in your boxers? I need it for gas.
She just tricked me into telling her the balance of my 401k... She's like a gold digging jedi mind trick ninja
I found my hair extensions. They were in my hamper.
We were sitting in a hot tub debating how drunk we could get by osmosis if we kept spilling our drinks in it. This is what engineering college does to you.
You went through my pantry and left one of everything in the box. One cracker. One cheesit. One piece of cereal. I really fucking hate you.
I slipped on a piece of pizza last night and when the bouncer helped me up I told him the garbage can pushed me.
I masterbated to the rocky theme song. I'm pretty sure that just beat any sex experience I've ever had.
Dude I'm driving around California right now hiding little bags of weed in random places like Easter eggs so that I can come back and find them later
must go to store soon wiping with panty liner ugh
Randomize
