my dog ran away and came back with a marajuana plant. what are you doing tonight?
I actually had to roll up my long sleeves to masturbate. I hate the winter
Just remembered I hit myself in the face with a bottle then did the nose test and decided I was still good. Don't think anyone noticed.
his apartment was in a funeral home, walk of shamed through a visiation in the skankiest outfit i own
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well, at least he doesn't refer to you as his associate. his mattress associate
And your cousins porn shouldn't have been the first straight porn you watched. And for that I am sorry
I forgot how easy it is to have sex in public when you're wearing a dress. Thank you global warming.
my head feels like a yellow yolk spinning in a circle at the bottom of the bowl.. i may have a concussion, love auto correct
I have nothing to say other than the obvious 'we probably shouldn't have done that' and the less obvious 'i think you bruised my labia major' ...?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm just the girl with the breathalyzer keychain, and I embrace that.
she started chasing me through the forest like a horny serial killer
I find him attractive in the absolute weirdest way. Like I need him to do my taxes, but I also feel like I should spill things on him to gain his attention and then lick it off to gain his affection.
I'm 22 and I'm drinking hawaiian punch from a sippy cup. Everything is right in the world.
not that im pissed, but why are there two naked chicks in my bed?
Fuck. I think I can already feel tomorrow's hangover. It's like future me cane back to warn present me about the impending doom but didn't turn the time dial back far enough.
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