She went from zero to smokin in five shots
I dont know why I dont listen to you more often. He wont stop texting me. And his signature is "dancing with no panties on"
my brother is a facebook fan of two things: God, and Rhianna. if he's not a prime example of the rare "baptist closeted gay," i don't know who is.
I got a job at a micro-brewery. Now who made the bigger mistake, them or me?
He doesn't fuck you and he's married, why do you keep letting him cum all over your stomach?
In the hopes he'll just put it in one day?
I show up hung over with mcdonalds. Why wouldn't he have sex with me? It's a fucking leap year...
Just spent the equivalent of my life savings in the liquor store. This is going to be a good weekend
there is nothing ok with the fact that that was the 4th time i peed in the same parking ramp
I mean he did ask and he said it's cold out but i didn't realize we were that comfortable hahaha sex is one thing but borrowing a sweatshirt?
Locking that text forever.
I need an adult. someone more adult than my current state
I'm drunk and I have your birth certificate
You were drunk enough to sled down a highway off ramp in your pajamas….
We were getting breakfast he shit himself in the middle of ihop. Mid bite he just yells out o fuck.
He was a Cher impersonator. They are the draggest of queens
He ate me out in the warehouse on a pallet of sunlight soap. I fucking love night shift!
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