dude, never let a drunk girl playbite your dick. the doctor came in laughed and left.
Why do I always give away anal sex as birthday presents?
Shut up... one mans birthday cake is another mans sodomy my friend
my mothers day present is going to be not puking at the table during brunch
apparently drunk me likes to play hide the puke.. was not a fun time washing all my legos.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He just told me that he goes squirrel hunting. NO LONGER BANGABLE.
You said you were going to take the sideview mirror to your own car so that nobody would steal it. Thats why you woke up with it.
It's ok. Rob's just shotgunning upside down.
The Supreme Court upheld health insurance. If that's not an excuse to get hospital drunk, I don't know what is.
I can't even remember the last time I took my own pants off
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I rigged together two of my vibrators for more power... I've created a monster.
I have managed to reach the 'after meth poster look' before lunch here...
I just tried to brush my hair with a can opener. Who gave you that brownie
By the way can you translate "sorry, she played you bruh" to Spanish? Some Hispanic guy who spoke absolutely no English callled me last night and when I tried to tell him he had the wrong number the response was "como? No no no no...." And then click. He was gone
It is NEVER not funny to me when I am sitting at a table and I've touched the dicks of every single person I'm sitting with.
you can't just call dibs on my vagina bro.
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