I don't know how God could bestow someone that emotionally confused with such an awesome penis.
Before you ask, yes. Whatever you're wearing IS too slutty for his mom's funeral.
I have to be home in time to watch my friend on that Lifetime show about having babies. And by friend, I mean the girl I had a lesbian experience with at a party 3 years ago.
Only you would think wine and coffee was an acceptable finals study time mix
My shirt is ruined. If I ever get the idea of doing a tequila shot through my nose ever again, shoot me.
you can now officially say a girl has shaved your initials into her pubes. welcome to the club.
I'd recommend you leave that level of crazy to the experts. I'd start with an under appreciated soccer mom if I were you.
Besides the kids on acid... I was the highest kid there
This mustache is awesome. I can't pass by a mirror without looking in it and thinking damn, I'd like to give that guy a handy.
Just text him and be like do you want this pussy or not. You have three seconds to respond.
I feel like I don't show you my boobs enough. And you deserve to see them like all the time
He stole me a cantaloupe and we drunkenly broke into a park and ate it on a bench with my pocket knife. I think i need to marry him
I'm at that stage of drunk where just imagining having sex makes me motion sick.
Not sure she's stomping around my apartment muttering incoherently about wanting to speak to the colonel
Periods are much less exciting when you're not sexually active.
Randomize
