the ***** family is living proof that there are no more lifeguards in the humen gene pool
..now you can marry chaz and be in cher's family..
yeah n i dont have to pretend to be into chicks to do it now...
Are you okay?
Don't worry. Self-respect preserved. My speech was Grey's quality... I made him cry.
Thanks for stranding me with th douchebag award recipients
Somewhere between the 2 hours of sex and her urgently rushing to work she manged to steal all $329.33 in my jeans. Worst one night stand ever, she even took the pennies.
You definitely in your drunken state were really concerned you would forget to buy milk today
Please don't mistake my med student status for responsibility. I'm drinking tequila while studying vascular surgery techniques.
Yeah, you went up to him and said "I stare at people until they feel obligated to talk to me."
Watched an eagle swoop down and eat a rabbit on my walk back from your place, literally too high to handle this right now
Dude we gotta go back to your cabin. left glenn. he's calling me crying and still drunk
She just won 2 Grammys at 17 and were sitting here hotboxing our half bathroom
Should I be scared that after we hooked up she took antibiotics with Sailor Jerry's?!
I just gave him road head. He came in the Taco Bell drive thru which seems pretty typical for my life.
Sexting is killing my work productivity but it's okay because I'm self-employed
If by whore you mean UPGRADE....then yes I am
Randomize
