I will never get the visual of you crying while chewing christmas lights out of my head
Foreign porn with subtitles is a little disappointing.
He's sobering up. It was really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together.
I love that the power of margaritas brought us back together.
as much as i want to say no i cant cause i need the trophy wife training
I'm by the dj to the left. Come get me now this girl is talking about baby names and I dnt even no hers
I can't see you
I'm the only one that's wearing a tarzan outfit get your ass over here you douche
THC water in my coffee on the way to work. How's your Tuesday?
Please, take the 2 shots of vodka that I left as an apologie.
I left my bra and a book at his place. He's a hot Scandinavian who is into physics and computers - had to step up my game.
Laying in bed nude eating a Big Mac with a cat. It's gonna be a good year.
all my money is vodka money
I have never read a truer sentence.
he cock-blocks himself, don't try to make excuses for him!
Screaming "dámelo" at the bottle of scotch was definitely my best and worst moment of Cinco de Mayo 2015.
I keep getting congratulated for drinking 2 six packs of mikes hard and winning the Olympic marathon and I don't remember this shit and now my throat is on fire
Started mixing booze directly into the 2 liters and carrying them around. Mixing less often, and now kind of weightlifting,so double effecient.
Randomize
