Please don't tell anyone I peed on your wall.
Bought a water-proof vibrator. Rubber ducky is no longer the one that makes bathtime so much fun.
I think his parents are learning english from the phrases I shout during sex.
come parachute off the vicodin airplane with meee
Finals are done.. I just wanna get drunk and pretend I'm a seahorse.
She refuses to believe she pulled down her pants and spanked her ass in front of us
It feels like there's puke trying to explode out of me from behind my eyeballs.
Gonna open a taco bell in colorado. Millions bro.
Don't they also have a lot of serious head injuries?
I didn't say I wanted to marry one of them. Or that I want one to perform surgery on me. I just want to have hot, dirty, MMA style sex.
I just screamed IM THE CHUPACABRA and jumped on his dick. I need to evaluate my life choices.
Dude I just clenched/unclenched my hindquarters while looking in the mirror I have fucking talent
DO NOT PREHEAT THE OVEN THIS MORNING! WE STARTED USING IT AS A WINE STASH AROUND MIDNIGHT.
Someone signed my nipple.
Went to bed still wearing my bralette. When I was changing this morning, a Tootsie Roll fell out. I'm definitely living my best life.
A guy just threw up in my lecture of 500 ppl and just got up and walked away
Randomize
