May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
Just found out what was wrong with Esther. Turns out she's 33 and still not married. This explains everything.
Three of the best words ever! Cocaine. Research. Study.
he was gone before i woke up. left a pee stain, phone number, note and $20 for sheets. safe to say i will not be calling.
i woke up the next morning in a pool of blood in my bathroom and a pinata donkeys head in my bed
so much for an anticlimactic 22nd birthday
you should probably know that there's a naked dude in your window
i wouldn't normally say anything but you seem to not be there
Well anyways I still cant believe I don't remember such a monumental day in history as you showing me your boobs... Jesus
It's like Jesus got stoned and this would be the sandwiches he'd make
You screamed "i promise ill stop blowing your brother" in the middle of a packed restaurant at 1pm. We should maybe rethink our relationship.
I'm stuck in a tree and request your assistance ASAP
I just want to have sex and eat dumplings. Is that so much to ask?
Let's celebrate our freedom by getting high and doing stupid shit.
I have only made 3 good decisions in my life and getting really stoned reenacting the Lion King with my cat in a lion mane hat is 2 of them.
So this morning everyone commended me for puking over the porch. No one else made it that far...
I think my time would be better spent seducing the TA then trying to save this paper.
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