Memo to the bitch sitting across from me at Swamp: no one thinks you're classy with your Louis Vuitton and your Burberry scarf when you're dragging on that cig like it was the last cock on earth and you needed cum for sustenance.
The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
Things got a little weird when he fired up his homemade flamethrower in the living room.
My neighbor is on the his front porch in a robe dipping a popsicle into what appears to be vodka. I want to be his son.
someone who i have in my phone as thundercock just said he was DTF
it looks like my getting laid tonight is going to depend on my knowledge of native birds. this is a weird party
Sorry I need more motivation then McDonalds and mojitos.
There is booty call etiquette, and he just isn't following it. I'm not making you breakfast, gtfo.
Omg you can't vacuum salsa that's just ridiculous
someday i'll meet a woman who will love me for my marvelous breasts and ignore my many character faults.
You told us that you were going to become a 'new man' and threw your tv set out of a window.
We are best friends because we can vomit simultaneously in the same toilet and not care
We are back but we are listening to stairway to heaven in my car. Amy is air drums. Be back when it's over.
How does it make you feel that I can't control my vagina around you?
You turned down sex for fried cheese??
My penis and doctor won't be happy with me, but come on. Fried cheese!
Randomize
