would it be inappropriate to describe you with the phrase "bigass titties"?
The crowing achievement of my life is still the time I made a 3 course meal out of things I found in the dumpster.
You have more facebook pictures than most towns have people.
he turned the pretty ricky playlist on. its about to go down.
Some guy just delivered flowers to my roommate cause he fell off a roof onto her at a party last night. I think they have a date tomorrow.
I was more obsessed with the sweat stain on her back that was simultaneously shaped like a vagina and the virgin Mary.
Guess who just got a Christian Beliefs class to seriously discuss the spiritual implications of dolphin rape?
I have the starring role in a literal shit show.
strip teases shouldnt end with an expensive car covered in salsa and mayonnaise yet here we are
Never underestimate the power of loudly proclaiming you want to make out with someone
I'm happy I peed in your laundry basket last night
If you ever "miss" working, I'm going to fist you with my hulk hands. BOTH of them.
is it sad that the highlight of my saturday night was waiting till 3 in the morning to hear about your saturday night?
I didn't have any choice but to cuddle you. Your hair was stuck on my nipple piercing.
Apparently I told the mayor I want to be a trophy wife
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