I molested 6 butterflies tonight
I just didn't expect you to be so naked....
I may or may not be laying in bed naked watching The Nanny. Niles is so spunky.
I just won Halloween Walk of Shame Bingo!
I am a mess. Weirdest thing: I woke up with a hammer under my pillow. No idea why.
...She was shooting whiskey using a turkey baster...i was horrified.
Yeah he doesn't get it. We had to change the subject to Keanu reeves before someone got hurt.
Dude sorry but it totally wasn't worth going back in there for yous shoes
Apple should advertise that their phones are puke-proof. They would appeal to a whole new audience.
I have no idea how I got home or why I am naked but I assume I owe you a thank you...
Sex-sore abs and my workout pants have gravel stains on the knees. It's like the workout of shame.
But yesterday I literally met half his family buzzed wearing a cheeta print bathing suit super short shorts and a tiny tank top.. I was like awesome
It was like a square peg in a round hole... I've never seen one shaped like a stick of butter...
Your dad was just slow dancing with the priest and holding a beer. Classic
I'm in the recliner and i have a bottle of wine wedged in my cleavage, drinking from a straw. Clever and classy or pathetic and sloppy?
Randomize
