Omg. I just woke up in a room full of naked people
I wish they made sweatshirts for legs
you mean pants?
I'm at verizon, the guy asked me why my phone is full of seeds. Deff. Not leaving my phone with you anymore.
In an m&m suit playing manhunt drunk. And you thought you werent guna have a good time
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
do you think they make 'sorry for walking in on you drunkenly jacking of to a picture of me' cards?
He's basically me if I was an 8-yr-old boy. It's like looking into a pudgy terrifying mirror
Watching the wiggles while tripping on acid is the scariest fucking thing of all time
Yeah, but he has adorable dimples and dimples talk me into things.
My little brother found me on Instagram. If I'm not already the shame of my family, I'm about to be.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's 1:26 and I have already found 5 fruit flies between 3 separate glasses of wine. This is supposed to be a summer problem. Fucking global warming.
The notary thing was a good idea. I can charge $2 per signature. I'm currently being paid in beer.
i left you alone for two hours TWO HOURS & when i got back i had to rush you to the hospital because you were covered in Smooth Away pads & drinking the bong water..
So the next time I search for "Dragon Dildo" on my phone, I should probably clear the browser before handing my phone to someone and that's the first thing they see haha
She thinks I cheated on her 10 years ago in a past life lmao
I told him he had to put his dick inside of me at approx 1159 to ensure it was birthday sex. i was 19 when he entered me.. came out 20. winning.
Randomize